Happy 49th Birthday, Singapore!

I have this particular memory of myself. 
It was random day when I was in primary school. 
I had a thought--I LOVE MY COUNTRY.

That was probably due to the news of the government's concern when our citizens who studied overseas and chose not to come back upon graduation. 

I couldn't understood at that point in time, why wouldn't they want to come back?

Some personal opinions would relate such people as 崇洋媚外.

It is a derogatory term where (in particular) some Chinese favours everything about White people/society but we are in a society where putting others down is a way of lifting yourself, any sarcasm or nasty words are the way to go.

I liked the national day celebrations in school.
The school will announce half-day celebrations, even if there were classes, we almost always take a chill pill. 
The school would prepare a simple gift and we would assemble in the school hall, sang along to pretty good patriotic songs and watched National Day-related performances.
I enjoyed myself and I had always wanted to be the loudest for some reason (if you know me personally then you'd also know that doesn't actually require much effort). 
Just imagine me singing out to the love of my life, I wanted to be heard. 

Years down, I lost that feeling. Thoughts of wanting to leave started brewing in my head.

I started feeling that Singapore has become too small for me.
What happened? 

Perhaps the school celebrations did a thing or two in our little heads back then. 
The songs that depicted the nation's success were seldom heard and perhaps that made me forget how far we have come. 
My love is quite shallow hur. haha~

Instead of motivating words, the internet was filling up with people disapproving of the government's efforts.
True, ideas like the ERP and COE seem like outright ways to extort people's money and others like the sudden influx of foreigners (let's ignore the fact if they come with talent or labour) made people feel overwhelmed but whatever it is, I forgot to love Singapore. 
The good things were conveniently not mentioned and the bad stuff, oh boy, they are everywhere!
(look up Negativity Bias. Yes, I was a Psychology student.)

Today, I watched the National Day Parade. 

It started out with the usual me on local TV, not full of praise. 

The parliament members appeared and my first reaction was still a sarcastic,"Oh? Not wearing white today?" but when Mr Lee Kuan Yew finally appeared on screen, my heart tore a little. 

I couldn't sustain anymore negative remarks. 

I don't know much about this man and he has done a lot.

For all his contributions, I can only say thank you. 

And to see his frail body frame now, all that I wish for is that he is doing fine. 

Perhaps he reminded me a little of my grandfather who passed away earlier this year. 

We weren't close but still, my heart ached for the old man as I watched his body slowly failed. 

I am fortunate to have grown up in a safe country and receive education.

I have the luxury and literacy capability to complain endlessly (google "Singapore national sport" and "Singapore Ministry of Complaints") but this luxury was brought to me by the pioneers of the country. 
Yes, we're biting the hands that fed us. 

Yes, it is no reason to be content and live by "things were always done this way". 
We should still strive to improve but do we have to be so harsh?

To the former prime minister, it's our 50th birthday next year

and we want to see you at Padang :)

You don't have a religion and neither am I any devotee so 
may all the kind existences in this world bless you and our country.

About language learning & being a polyglot: I think I've hit my plateau

I started learning Japanese in 2008.
I've wanted to learn Japanese since I was a little girl.
When I first went to class, it was probably the only time in my life where I would voluntarily & comfortably sit alone in the first row. Of course, the studious kid progressed really quickly.
In my 3rd year, I even got through a national Japanese speech competition.

After graduation, I started feeling it. I was not improving.
I was still taking classes out of school but I was not improving. 
I sounded fluent which often made people comment that I'm really good in the language but I knew that deep down, I wasn't there.  
I went on to complete JLPT N2 and of course, I passed. 
I survived 18 years of Singapore education, no joke on taking tests and in excelling them okay?
Frankly, all I did was to know which answer to pick in a MCQ test but if you were to put me in a situation that required me to maneuver the language like a person who should be of N2 quality, I couldn't do it. 
Truth is out: I sank into a plateau.
My Japanese-learner friends were encouraging. They understood how it is to have not performed up to your personal expectations, regardless of how other people are saying "I think you are very good.".

I didn't enroll myself into N1 classes, knowing that I still had a lot to work on on the lower levels. Call me a perfectionist or whatever but I couldn't bear not being there, or not being good. I started going through my old materials on my own and went for language exchange events (e.g. Japanese meet up, tête-à-tête etc.). I met other passionate language learners. People are nice and encouraging. They are not shy with saying how good you are at the language or how much better you are than them but I often found myself saying "well I guess I'm not too bad but you know, I'm not good enough".

More than the tragedy of a plateau, I had lost confidence in myself. 
I wasn't inferior about myself as a person but I was feeling inferior about my language proficiency.

Some of the guys shared their experiences with me, their own ups and downs at picking up a new language and pressing on. I also met people younger than me but were already so fluent in SEVERAL languages. They weren't the fortunate rich kids who can have someone pay for them but passionate young people who found ways to enroll themselves into languages courses and practise, practise, practise.

NOW WHAT WAS I COMPLAINING ABOUT?
Before university, I blamed it on not having money to take private classes. Now that I'm working, I blamed it on not having time. They inspired me to read up on polyglots. I was particularly looking for "how to get pass your plateau". It took me ALL that experience and time wasted (?) to realize it was due to my own negligence that caused myself to sink into a plateau.

I started recalling on how dedicated I was at the beginning. I majored in Psychology but I spent an average of 1-2 hours daily studying Japanese. I could already write most Kanji but I would practise over and over. Right now, I'm not doing any of that. I pick up my books once in a while to read a few pages and expect myself to have those new words memorized. Time to re-recognise that I'm not a genius.

So, let's not give up! Keep writing, keep reading and keep practising!
OVERCOME THE EVIL LEARNING CURVE!
Most importantly, as some of them have told me, enjoy learning :)